Facing a Dementia Diagnosis With Grace and Hope

Have you noticed signs of potential dementia in a loved one? Dementia is something we would all like to avoid. However, denying the symptoms will not help anyone, and could delay treatment.

Suspected Dementia

For illustration purposes, let us say you suspect dementia in your mom. First, look up the 10 Early Signs and Symptoms of Alzheimer’s and Dementia from the Alzheimer’s Association. If you recognize several of the symptoms bring it up gently in a conversation.

Try giving a specific example. “Mom, said you have gotten lost coming home three times in the last month. I am concerned about you. How about we make a doctor appointment and go together?”

Or speak hope by saying, “Mom, we all want the best life for you as you age, including medical care. Let’s go to your next doctor’s appointment together and go out for lunch after. I want to be here for you.”

Now it is possible she could be in denial as dementia can aggravate one’s perception of their cognitive state. Do not be surprised if you hear, “This is just what happens when we get older. People get a little forgetful, they get dents in their cars or forget to pay bills. This is normal!”

What do you say now?

Dignity

First, treat your mom with dignity by putting yourself in her shoes. We all deserve a little grace. She may have had a parent or friend with dementia and know how it progresses. This is scary stuff. You may need to bring it up several times or have another family member broach the subject.

I recommend honesty and directness. However, after several tries, mom may remain disagreeable.

The next step is what I call a roundabout way to get there. For example, if they are on Medicare remind an annual Medicare wellness visit with their doctor is a great benefit. May insurance plans offer home visits by a trained professional. If you cannot be there in person, you can send the doctor a message about your concerns. Be aware, however, without a healthcare directive naming you as the healthcare agent, the physician’s office cannot give you information. Be prepared.

Ruling Out Other Problems

Seniors are susceptible to other medical or emotional issues that can mimic dementia.

• Intense grief or depression can cause symptoms like forgetfulness or an unwillingness to go out in public.
• Urinary tract infections are common in the elderly and cause back pain, frequent bathroom visits (which can also make people unsociable), even confusion and dizziness. Get any sudden onset symptoms checked immediately.
• Diabetes, thyroid conditions, or medication interactions can cause similar symptoms.

A thorough physical is imperative. Then, if warranted, a medical doctor can recommend further testing with experts such as a neurologist, psychiatrist, or geriatrician.

Setting the Course

What if there is a positive dementia diagnosis? There are distinct types of dementia, just like there are many types of cancer. The most common is Alzheimer’s Disease, other types include Lewy body, vascular dementia, frontotemporal, and many more. Seek a specific diagnosis. While there is no cure for dementia, new drugs are coming to market and symptoms such as sleep disorders, or agitation can be treated with behavior modification and medication.

Speaking of behavior modification, here’s looking at you, caregiver. Judy Cornish developed the DAWN Method®,  Dementia & Alzheimer’s Wellbeing Network®. ” I recommend her book “Dementia With Dignity” and other materials as they provide excellent information for professional and family caregivers.

Post-Diagnosis

There are several important steps you can take soon after a diagnosis.

• Learn about their disease and treatments. Study websites, go to conferences (many are virtual), listen to podcasts. But always verify information with experts.
• Make certain all critical legal paperwork is complete; durable power of attorney, last will and testament, and an advance directive with a healthcare agent appointed. If not done or up to date, work with your care partner to complete them in the initial stages of dementia. Treating people with dignity is allowing them to have a say in their future care.
• Understand their financial status. Talk to them about retirement benefits, long term care insurance, and property and learn about Medical Assistance.
• Have honest discussions with your loved one about their future, but do not make promises such as, “We will never put you a nursing home.” You may have to do so at some point.
• Analyze the living situation. Can you modify their current home for safety purposes? Do you need to check out assisted living? Who in the family or community can provide care when needed?

Conclusion

Today I highlighted early steps to take when dementia looms. Remember to treat your loved one with dignity, have grace and speak hope. Every human being deserves to feel valued and respected.