By Sally Bartolameolli & Kim Siongco,
At LORA Bridges Leadership, Openness, Results & Awareness, we are committed to assisting individuals and organizations in learning transformational practices for building bridges.
This LORA article focuses on identifying pitfalls in transformational communication.
Research suggests that behaviors practiced over 30 days become habits, and over 90 days become lifestyle changes.
Blaming others takes time and energy away from improving yourself.
~ Anonymous
1. Blame – When difficulties occur in communication, there may be a tendency to focus on and blame others. When we blame or focus on the other, what they did, didn’t do, said or didn’t say, we give away our personal power and the potentiality for transformation.
The good news is: We are the only ones that we can change.
The bad news is: We are the only ones that we can change.
Our influence to alter or change a situation begins with keeping the focus on ourselves.
As mentioned in introductory practices for Transformational Communication,
a business journal is an excellent place to write down and answer the following questions:
Who are we blaming?
What’s the payoff for blaming them?
What’s at risk for us to put the focus on ourselves and release blame?
Here is a summary overview of the WARP ~ What’s At Risk Process, which we believe is the most influential technique for self-awareness and for assisting us in taking responsibility for taking actions regarding what we can change in ourselves.
Taking responsibility for the defense of blame leverages our agency for building bridges. It is an estimable action for building an honest, mature relationship first with ourselves, with others, and then within organizations.
For more information about the What’s At Risk Process and our trainings, visit….
Until you honestly recognize your attachments to past patterns, you will not be able to choose a new way to be and a new way to see. ~ Sally Bartolameolli
2. Attachment versus Commitment – In our introductory Transformational Communication practices, we discussed the leadership practice of Intentional Visioning.
When we begin any transformational communication, or a new venture, desired outcomes in relationships, or wish to use the tool of visioning, writing down what we want to have happen keeps us on track and focused. Research suggests there is great value in visioning to direct our lives.
There is, however, an important and necessary distinction between being committed to our vision and being attached.
When we are committed, we loosely hold the vision and stay present to the moment, open to unexpected possibilities.
When we are attached, we try to force outcomes, control and overpower people, and rigidly hold tightly to our way.
Learning to breathe deeply, be open to unexpected possibilities, and be committed but not attached, is a necessary distinction for transformational communication and building bridges.
Accurate information is a key part of motivation. ~ Mary Ann Allison
3. Merging Data & Assessments — A third pitfall that will derail opportunities for transformational communication is confusing data with our assessment or opinions of a situation. Storytelling is in our DNA. Often, when uncomfortable emotions, misunderstandings, or breakdowns in communication occur, we move into making up stories to try and create meaning, to figure it out, and are often unaware of our avoidance of responsibility for our part.
Data is observable. Imagine a fly on the wall, watching and taking notes.
Assessments, the stories we make up, and our opinions are what we make up about what happened.
Even when what we make up might be accurate, the only way to know this for sure is to get confirmation from the other. If we are committed to building bridges, it’s best to set up an opportunity to clear this up by sharing our assessments, asking for accurate information from the other, and then realigning ourselves on the vision or commitment we have for the communication.
There are times when simply taking responsibility for what we are making up is all that is needed to move forward and will preserve our most valuable assets: time, energy, and our relationships with others.
For more information about E-Courses, trainings, or complimentary downloads, visit www.lorabridges.com. Copyright 2020.
